23 September 2009

a low point

warning: some of the following may not be suitable for reading during meal times.
it’s been a miserable couple of days. i’ve been sick, maybe the sickest i’ve been so far this trip. i don’t know what i ate or drank, but something got me. in the bathroom every 2 or 3 hours, even through the night, pure liquid coming out, i don’t know if i can drink enough water to replace the fluids coming out of me. the first day i forced myself to eat, the next two days i couldn’t eat a thing, and i was a little nauseated too. i’ve had absolutely zero energy, i can hardly force myself out of the apartment once or twice a day, sit on a stoop outside, then go back in. that’s all i can handle. i’m also depressed and lonely, missing my heather, feeling alone in the big city, miserable in my hot apartment, sweating profusely, as if i wasn’t losing enough fluids, but i can’t muster the strength to leave, and even if i did, where would i go? my ceiling fan is trying but it’s really just pushing hot air around. i’m lonely and i miss pizza and vitamin water and my car and harbin hot springs and high-speed internet and friends. and to add to my misery, on day 2 i ran out of water.
the way water works in this apartment is like this: there’s a tank on top of the building that’s filled by city pipes. and there’s a big plastic tank in my apartment that gets filled by the roof water tank from 7:00 - 10:00 every night. so in the middle of the first night i went to the bathroom, and forgot to turn off one of the taps, which leaked a little, so when i woke up my tank was empty. no water coming out of the faucets, no water to flush the toilet, to shower, to wash myself, anything. and i really needed to wash myself! how pathetic. i really wanted, needed to shower but that was impossible. in one of my brief excursions out, i bought bottled water and used that to wash with, and waited out the day. fortunately the tank did fill up that night, so i was able to shower, but it was a very rough day. i was supposed to call the landlord and get some stuff done for the apartment, but i couldn’t come close to doing that. so i just stayed here all day, bathing in my own sweat, feeling awful, watching time pass. god it felt like prison. i was really starting to wonder why i gave up my comfy easy chair and cable tv and internet and yummy snacks and all the other comforts of home. woe was me.

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